I swear time is fast forwarded like in the movies , particularly mid-day. I am now rocking and nursing my snuggly 3 month old thinking back and reflecting upon the days events. Reflection is one the things I do and do often. It is a practice hounded into you when you are in college to be a teacher. Thus it blends itself into my daily life though I’m not even close to a classroom. A good practice to have and uplifting at times, but more often an internal beat down of myself.
I have been working on staying positive, but right now in this stage of the game in parenting ages 5, 3, and 3 months it is very hard not to beat myself up. I have glorious plans for the day when I wake up from which the planning begins before I go to bed, another ingrained practice of educators, and I pride my myself in my good ideas and structure of the day. When it doesn’t pan out I get very upset. Though I must point out I am much better these days….I did not want to end up in a mental hospital! I am also working on not planning the day but trying to as they say embrace the day/moment….well that’s really hard for me too! Good thing I accomplished most of the tasks I planned and I got a few extra in. However the constant lingering question is “Did I do enough with or for the kids?”
Gosh that question gets me all the time. Now being an educator I can really yell at my self …”You didn’t read to them today,gasp!…..Did you throw in robust vocabulary when speaking with them? How bout those adjectives?…..Did you encourage the use of all the minds abilities like logical, kinesthetic, auditory, (I know there is a term but I just can’t remember)? Oh darn my knowledge!
I can say I gave my children endless affection, proper discipline, the necessities of the day, and homemade cookies! They went to bed happy and with smiles, so did I do ok today? I don’t know, I would like to do better as always! The good thing in general is my eldest is in preschool 3 days a week, and my 2 year old is in short lived class for pre pre-school. The hardest battle for me is deciphering between the education world and mothering world. I can’t beat myself up because of the informalities of the home. And the truth is it is so hard for me because I did not come from a very good home, and truly am a student of my making.
Time though….I can’t let it slip through my fingers or not appreciate it because I think I have so much of it. Today for instance, I did do some of my plans, but I missed many others. And upon reflection probably the more important ones, like getting down on the floor with my 3 year old and playing Spiderman with him or ninja fighting with my 5 year old, the very most important moments for them.
Thank God for tomorrow…..