What is with the wanting what we don’t have feeling….

Ok, so I’m all about the realities and hardships of being a mother as well as all the blessings and tender moments too. What I am observing while reading across the Internet is this popular bitch fest and selfish fest on being a mother. Popular meaning I see it way more than the blessings and tender moments. Does everyone really like such negativity on such a constant basis?

Reality shows, the news, TV shows, movies, and books are always more popular if it has drama, lust, and murder. Why? Now is this funneling into being a mother, and if so what are we betraying? If a  new mother is in a very frustrated and exhausted moment and searches for support to only find more articles on how hard it is to be a mother and you deserve to have that “mommy” time, will she then learn it’s ok to be selfish, and turn it into all the time?

Believe me when I when I say I have daydreamed about not being a mom and have taken a few moments to regroup, but I don’t think it is right to glamorize these feelings. This glamorization leads to the “it’s ok” to feel this way about being a mother. “It’s ok to want to runaway, it’s ok to hate the job of being a mother, it’s ok to be angry at yourself for having children, it’s ok to want to give up and sit an have a drink”…..well it’s not ok because being a mother is the highest level job anyone could ever be given and with this job comes the giving of yourself first and always. I think that is why we all sit down and search for help from some source when we do have a bad day in hopes of being uplifted or understood.

It is not ok to put yourself first and foremost as a mother, but it is understandable the desire to want to, for a short time. And as a community of mother’s I think we need to glamorize the support of the “I know how you feel, now how can I help” not how much I don’t want to be a mother and all of us jumping in with our daydreams of what it was like before.

Before I was a mother I could sleep as late as I wanted, go out when I wanted,  and only had to care about me. However, I was lonely and began to feel like my life was loosing purpose.

Now that I am a mother all I wish for are those days to sleep in, go out to eat without worrying what the kids are going to do at the table, and not forget about me. However, I am given love on a constant basis and see my own smile in the faces I created.

That being said….why do we (people) always want what we don’t have….why not be glad with what we do have….even if they are the offspring of Satan on certain days and angels from the Lord above on others!

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Time is of the essance….

I swear time is fast forwarded like in the movies , particularly mid-day. I am now rocking  and nursing my snuggly 3 month old thinking back and reflecting upon the days events. Reflection is one the things I do and do often. It is a practice hounded into you when you are in college to be a teacher. Thus it blends itself into my daily life though I’m not even close to a classroom. A good practice to have and uplifting at times, but more often an internal beat down of myself.

I have been working on staying positive, but right now in this stage of the game in parenting ages 5, 3, and 3 months it is very hard not to beat myself up.  I have glorious plans for the day when I wake up from which the planning begins before I go to bed, another ingrained practice of educators, and I pride my myself in my good ideas and structure of the day. When it doesn’t pan out I get very upset. Though I must point out I am much better these days….I did not want to end up in a mental hospital!  I am also working on not planning the day but trying to as they say embrace the day/moment….well that’s really hard for me too! Good thing I accomplished most of the tasks I planned and I got a few extra in. However the constant lingering question is “Did I do enough with or for the kids?”

Gosh that question gets me all the time. Now being an educator I can really yell at my self …”You didn’t read to them today,gasp!…..Did you throw in robust vocabulary when speaking with them? How bout those adjectives?…..Did you encourage the use of all the minds abilities like logical, kinesthetic, auditory, (I know there is a term but I just can’t remember)? Oh darn my knowledge!

I can say I gave my children endless affection, proper discipline, the necessities of the day, and homemade cookies! They went to bed happy and with smiles, so did I do ok today? I don’t know, I would like to do better as always! The good thing in general is my eldest is in preschool 3 days a week, and my 2 year old is in short lived class for pre pre-school. The hardest battle for me is deciphering between the education world and mothering world. I can’t beat myself up because of the informalities of the home. And the truth is it is so hard for me because I did not come from a very good home, and truly am a student of my making.

Time though….I can’t let it slip through my fingers or not appreciate it because I think I have so much of it. Today for instance, I did do some of my plans, but I missed many others. And upon reflection probably the more important ones, like getting down on the floor with my 3 year old and playing Spiderman with him or ninja fighting with my 5 year old, the very most important moments for them.

Thank God for tomorrow…..